Will and Andrew have a nasty cold, with high fevers, crankiness, and some frighteningly severe coughing with hard breathing that’s sent us to the doctor’s office three times. Needless to say, there’s been less running and blogging going on in our household.
I have a version of their illness tempered by adulthood, and lacking the fever, I thought perhaps I could still get a run in. 1.5 miles on the treadmill later, I was practically on the floor from coughing and lightheadedness. Hey – it was worth a shot. If it’d worked, I would have had my runners endorphins to keep me going.
So, no running, cranky kids – I need a laugh. Andrew is napping, Will is using kid’s scissors to thoroughly snip construction paper, and I’m on a tablet next to him manufacturing bad running jokes. Perhaps the day isn’t so bad. (You read that right. Will. Scissors. Give a three year old scissors and paper and you have a friend for life. Just don’t walk away.)
Here they are – 13.1 bad jokes to tell yourself, or random strangers, while you run a half marathon. You can tell them to a running partner, too, but you might want to just pick a couple unless you’d prefer to run all your future races alone.
13.1 Bad Jokes
Mile 1: That’s right athletic looking people, you’d better run.
Mile 2: Wait, who’s chasing us?
Mile 3: This is a 5k, right?
Mile 4: I was told there would be snacks at the water stations… no?
Mile 5: Wait, what’s half of 13.1? #$(*.
Mile 6: This is a 10k, right?
Mile 7: Did you have coffee? You look like you had coffee.
Mile 8: I should have had more coffee.
Mile 9: I’ve never run this far for a bagel with peanut butter before.
Mile 10: I was thinking of running a 5k this morning. Anyone in?
Mile 11: You know they sell bagels with peanut butter downtown.
Mile 12: We can stop here, right? Or is this a baker’s dozen kind of race?
Mile 13: Do you know where I can get one of those cool necklaces?! (This also works at mile 12 if someone’s cooling down on the course wearing their finisher medal.)
Mile 13.1: Are we supposed to do another loop?
Mile 13.2: Wait, what?! ()*#$@ corners!!!!