Tomorrow is a day of gratitude
Thanksgiving is a day of gratitude… but it’s also a day where many of us feel stress and pressure. There’s a temptation to focus on gratitude as a means of overcoming stress. I think that path can lead us to feeling guilty, and actually interfere with our ability to feel grateful.
I would urge you to first show yourself some compassion, which will help alleviate your stress and improve your ability to feel grateful.
Hypothetical Thanksgiving Thoughts That I’m Sure Look Nothing Like What’s Going On In Your Head: I should be feeling grateful we’re all together but it was so stressful getting out of the house on time this morning and I forgot to buy the stuffing mix* and I wish Aunt Marje’s health was better because I’m worried this all might be too much for her, and I was up half the night cooking and I’m not sure the bathroom is clean and THANK GOODNESS WE’RE ALL ALIVE AND MOSTLY HEALTHY AND TOGETHER AND WE’RE NOT SYRIAN REFUGEES AND OH MY GOSH WHY ON EARTH AM I COMPLAINING I AM SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON MY PROBLEMS ARE SO SMALL THERE ARE MOTHERS WITH HUNGRY CHILDREN IN THIS WORLD AND I AM UPSET ABOUT SAGE STUFFING I AM AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
STOP.
You’re not a horrible person.
You can find baking and cleaning and traveling tiring and stressful AND be grateful that you’re seeing your family, and for the level of health and prosperity you and your loved ones do have.
Stress and Gratitude are Not Mutually Exclusive
Feeling stressed does not mean you are not grateful. You can feel stress or worry about some things even as you feel gratitude for other things.
It’s wonderful to focus on the things we’re grateful for, and I find I’m better able to do that when I show myself a little compassion first for being stressed out about the little things.
Try This:
Acknowledge the things that are stressful or challenging about Thanksgiving, whether it’s regulating your pie intake or remembering to pack everything. Allow yourself to feel and accept that these are stressful things.
Don’t try to replace them with gratitude for much larger things and then feel guilty about the stress still simmering under the surface. Rejecting your stressful feelings may just make them stronger as they wait to be acknowledged. Accept the stress, but don’t dwell on it. Acknowledge that it’s common and ok to feel stress, and that it doesn’t mean you’re not also grateful.
THEN think about the big things you’re thankful for. Fill your mind with joy about the family members you get to see, the people who are still with us. Think of things you’re excited to share with them. Picture the big hug from your Dad, or the squeals of excitement as cousins run to play with each other. Imagine that first bite of your favorite side dish. Reflect on how wonderful it is to have been born in this century, with all the medical innovations and movements towards equality it brings. Think about how great it is to sleep in a warm bed. How much you love your kids, your partner, your parents.
Better, right?
You’re wonderful, and you’re stressed because you care. Be kind to yourself, and have a very Happy Thanksgiving!
*I really did forget to buy stuffing mix**
**No, I’m not making stuffing from scratch.