Why I Tell My Kid The Truth

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This guy can handle the truth. In fact, he’s better for it.

Will, my four year old, used to ask me questions that would make me freeze in my tracks because I wasn’t sure how to respond to them.  FYI – “Hang on, let me read the chapter in this parenting book in search of age-appropriate responses to questions about bodily functions, I’ll get back to you on that” is NOT a valid response.

Sometimes I don’t want to tell him the truth, because I don’t like the truth.

Will needed three shots at his four year visit, and boy did I want to tell him it wasn’t going to hurt.  But that wasn’t true.  So I looked him in the eye, told him it was going to hurt, but it was important to keep him healthy, and that it wouldn’t hurt for very long.  He said he understood, sat still on my lap, and didn’t cry.  The pediatrician and I made eye contact over his head afterwards and exchanged a “Holy @#$* did that just happen?” look with each other.  She said she’s NEVER seen a four year old so calm through shots in her entire career.

I’m not taking the credit, it was Will who had the foresight and understanding to realize that the pain was coming but would be temporary, and to handle it with composure.

But I do think it helps Will to know that he can trust me to tell him the truth.  He knew I wouldn’t lie to him to get him to sit in my lap and hold still, he knew what was coming and why, and he trusted me when I said it wouldn’t hurt for long.

Will’s pediatrician even told him it was ok to cry before she gave him the shots… but he didn’t.  He didn’t need to.  I almost cried, because I was so proud of how bravely he accepted that he needed to experience some pain in order to stay healthy.  HE IS FOUR.  Four.

After our family stopped eating animal products, I had to think about my strategy for raising vegan kids in a non-vegan world.  How would I handle the tough questions about what was in other kids’ lunch boxes, and why we don’t buy certain things at the grocery store?

I came up with this crazy strategy for handling all such questions.  I tell my children the truth, in age-appropriate language and detail.

When my children ask why we don’t eat anything from animals, I tell them it’s because it hurts the animals, our planet, and our bodies.  When they ask why other people DO eat animal products, I tell them it’s because they grew up doing it, they haven’t learned to cook differently, and they don’t understand how bad it is for the animals, their bodies and the earth.

It’s actually pretty simple.

When my kids ask me a question, I think about what amount of information they can understand, and I answer truthfully.

It’s so much easier than evading questions or teaching them something they’ll need to unlearn later in favor of the truth.  I don’t hide the fact that my kids are vegan from them, or that a friend has allergies so we’re using sun-butter instead of peanut butter to keep our snacks safe, or the fact that a relative died means their body stopped working and we won’t see them anymore.  I don’t over-explain, but what explanation I offer is truth that can be built on later, rather than replaced.

So go ahead, tell your kids the truth.  Just tell them in language and brevity that reflects their current age.

 

 

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3 comments

  1. What a brave young man. Go Will!!

    1. He amazes me!

  2. Very wise advice!

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