Mother’s Day. Birthdays. Valentine’s Day. If any of these holidays has ever felt anti-climactic, you’re not alone. There’s so much pressure on our loved ones to make us feel special on these days, to somehow cram their love and appreciation for us into finding a perfect card, present, flower arrangement, or brunch reservation, and then walking on eggshells and treating us like royalty for the entire day.
I feel a similar pressure and panic level when it’s Greg’s birthday or Father’s Day. It’s wonderful to use these holidays as an opportunity to express our love for one another, but also important to remember that what our loved ones do for us on these days is not actually a measure of their love. Their love is measured by the sum of countless moments, the entirety of a relationship, how they treat us and support us over the course of a year… not whether they made it to a jewelry store one afternoon.
This is why I’ve renamed today Mother’s Day for 2015.
It’s been a fabulous weekend. Greg’s parents were visiting, so I got a run in Friday night AND went to spin class Saturday morning, followed by a couple fun local events (fun run and a robot fair!) and out to lunch.
Yesterday afternoon, we left the boys with their grandparents and headed off to Marathon Sports to buy me a new Garmin. Mine has had trouble connecting to satellites all spring, after having intermittent issues during my last half-marathon training. When it botched my third run in 10 days, Greg said (not for the first time) “We should buy you a new one.” I agreed (for the first time) and he dropped what he was doing and immediately pulled me into the office to look up the best watch. He talked me up a model from my initial pick so I can program intervals (a feature I liked on my last watch) and then called our local running store to check availability.
On the way to pick it up yesterday, he stopped and put air in my tires because the light was on. In a wintry mix of snow and rain. While I sat in the car drinking tea and waiting to go buy my new watch he’d helped me pick out.
After Greg’s parents left last night, Greg mixed me a specialty drink on request and we watched Fast and the Furious together.
This morning, he let me sleep in and brought me coffee in bed.
When I came downstairs, Greg left for a run and Will insisted that he was going to make me breakfast. I pulled the bread and cashew cheese out of the refrigerator, and he did EVERYTHING else.
“Mom, what number would you like the toaster on?”
“Would you like your toast cut in triangles?”
“I can clean up, too.”
“I cut one into triangles and left one big. That way you have choices.”
Mother’s Day weekend will not be better than this.
How could it be? I feel so special and loved. It’s even more special, because they’re under no societal obligation to shower me with love like this. Greg didn’t bring me coffee in bed because it was Mother’s Day. He did it because he loves me. Will made me breakfast because he wanted to, because he takes pride in his ability to do something for someone he loves. My in-laws enjoy the time they spend with Will and Andrew and knew I could use a break. That’s why they were kind enough to feed them dinner while I went for a run. They even got up and fed the boys breakfast while I was at spin class so Greg could sleep in a little…. which made him able to get up today and bring ME coffee in bed. Just on a regular Saturday.
No gift on Mother’s Day could mean more to me than the way Greg dropped everything because he was so excited to find me the perfect Garmin. He didn’t just give me the go-ahead to make the purchase, he was actively involved in getting me the best Garmin for my needs as quickly as possible. I’m so touched by the way he supports my running and wants me to have a reliable tool to help me track my mileage and run my intervals.
Take away – I’ll be reading this post to myself on Mother’s Day. I am sure that Greg and my boys will do things to make me feel appreciated on that day. I am also sure that the real measure of their love is the sum of all days like today. It’s countless moments and gifts of their time and attention to things that are important to me, like finding a new Garmin, or tasks they do to make my life easier, like getting me breakfast or letting me sleep in.
If you have a journal, or a blog, consider writing down moments like these, when you feel special and loved on some ordinary day. It’s something we can look back on when we’re having a tough moment, like a mother visualizing her child’s best moments in the midst of a tantrum. It reminds us of the truth, that demonstrations of love don’t always fit perfectly onto a calendar… but they’re there.